Tuesday, July 18

the yellow man: chapter 2

If you haven't read the beginning of this story scroll down 2 posts and read it or this won't make sense!

“What are we going to do now?” wondered the caretaker.
“Well,” replied the colleague, we'll 'aff to bury 'im again, o'course. But if we put 'im back in that there coffin, 'e'll still be... er, there... in another 10 years. Reckon we gotta bury 'im without the box.”
That decided, then came the problem of how to get the man back into the hole. The caretaker didn't want to touch him. Nor did his colleague.
“ If we chop off the bottom bit of the coffin, we could tip it up and slide him back into the hole,” suggested the caretaker.
“ Sounds easy enough,” replied his colleague, and went to fetch a saw. They sawed and they sawed and then they tipped. The yellow man slid easily into the hole, but unfortunately was as stiff as a board. He didn't slip into the lying position that they had imagined, he remained standing, lurching slightly towards the caretaker, but definately standing.
“ Oh, flamin' 'eck,” said his colleague, gloomily.

Somehow they had to get the yellow man to lie down, but still, they didn't want to touch him.
“Well, let's hook the shovel 'andles under 'is armpits an' pull 'im to one end of the 'ole, an' then we can just lower 'im down,” suggested the colleague.
The caretaker agreed and they turned to the man standing in the hole. The man suddenly bent over from the waist, and flopped into the hole,taking on the shape of a triangle with his bottom pointing cheerfully upwards. Yet again they stared in horror.
“What,” said the caretaker, “are we going to do now?”
“Get in there with him” said his colleague gloomily.

“I do NOT want to climb in there with him,” exclaimed the caretaker in disgust.
“Well, iss not very nice leavin' 'im wiv 'is bum in the air issit? We've gotta lie 'im down some way or anuvver”
They stood there a while looking around for inspiration. None came. In the end the caretaker sighed deeply and climbed gingerly into the grave. But he quickly climbed back out again, realising how little space there was.
“Scaredy cat” said his colleague gloomily.

“I've got an idea,” said the caretaker, “if we tie a rope around his wrists and I pull his arms upwards, then you can quickly climb in and pull his legs down, then he'll go straight!”
“I'm too old to clambour into that there 'ole, you'll 'aff ta do that bit, laddie, I'll 'old the arms up,”replied his colleague, not so gloomily.

So that is what they did. When the yellow man was arranged in a comfortable position, they covered him up with earth and left him in peace for a few more years. The caretaker had a very long shower and scrubbed himself vigorously with soap. He threw away the clothes he had been wearing and put on clean ones. His colleague put the kettle on and they sat together quietly, sipping mugs of steaming hot tea.

“Well, I'm glad that's over!” said the caretaker, after a while.
“'Ow many more we gotta dig up then?” asked the colleague gloomily...

The End




  1. Eeeewww!

    Nicki this is hilarious, ever thought of pursuing a career as a comedy writer?

    God I hope this story is merely a product of your imagination. If not... quite an interesting job he's got! :D

  2. But why was he yellow? Inquiring minds want to know.

  3. William: Skin becomes this colour after time without oxygen, when closed in an airtight box made from zinc! (Carlo)
    Well you wanted to know!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...