Monday, April 16

life


Now that I have made the decision to move on and take control of my life I feel a sense of relief and excitement.
I am still working in the shop, for it would be cruel to immediately abandon ship, and I feel even more trapped and impatient to leave. I am trying to wait calmly until someone else is found to take my place, then I will spread my wings and take flight.

Ideas swirl around in my head.

Thoughts of summer barbeques in the leafy green garden in England become a future possibility instead of a distant memory. Nine years have passed by since I last sat out on the patio by the fig tree with my friends and family as the sun lingered overhead. It will never be like the old days because Mum won't be there. Another thing to confront on the list of 'last time I did this Mum was here'.


Time to spend with my button nosed daughter before she is suddenly all grown up. Time passes so fast, she is too big to carry now and I miss her clinging to me like a koala bear as I walked down the street. Rather than hand her over to a reluctant babysitter I will now spend this summer with her, teaching her how to swim. We can paddle around the rocks, catching baby octopuses and let them suck on our arms gently. We can loose ourselves in storybooks and make hanging mobiles and glittery things...

I must not become too lazy. I will look for work, talk to people, go to hotels and find brides to make pretty on their big day. Hands and feet too, I'll find more clients. I will make this work, Mum would be so proud...

And another window that opened for me yesterday. How would I feel about helping take groups on walks in the mountains occasionally? I would feel happy and honoured and proud to do that. After all, before I became pregnant I spent months learning the pathways and signs, the forgotten trails and where the wild asparagus grows...

I will spend afternoons on the pier, helping with the boats that come back, offloading daytrippers and towels. Skye will be nearby, digging in the sand or helping the fishermen catch small fish for dinner...

And if I want I could even go back to England again! Before the end of the season...just think of that. What freedom. Will I have enough time to do everything I wonder?

15 comments:

  1. Niki I want to wish you all the best . After all you’ve gone through you deserve it.
    You’ve got the courage to change. It is going to be a success!

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  2. Sometimes we need to leap into the unknown to get ahead. There are already new paths open for you, and you haven't seen the end of it yet. This is what happens when we make the right decisions.

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  3. Oh How I understand you !!!!! I would like to have the same courage to say goodbye to "my" work...to have the same freedom...

    Good luck for this new life !

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  4. It seems to me that you will be way more busy than you are now!
    But like I told you before, you're going to do just great!

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  5. Sending lots of luck your way.
    You have made the right decision,you don't get anywhere in life if you don't take risks.If things don't work out then you learn from it and move on.
    You have a fantastic attitude and that is a great start.

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  6. I hear ya!

    I live in Sweden, but am not originally a Swede, so sometimes I'm nothing but torn - stay here, move back, move someplace else...

    RYC: that's the summer collection. And not that many! :D

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  7. What you want is already on its way so you are already free... You have just been given some extra time (in the shop) to think about more things you want to do:)

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  8. Nicki I am very excited for you. Good luck. I wish I was coming back to Positano this year. I would def. go on one of your tours.

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  9. sorry to hear about your mother, nicki (must be so difficult!), but here's hoping all your dreams come true. x

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  10. I am sorry about the loss of your mother. I lost my father this year, and it's been rough. I haven't yet been able to imagine the first visit back. Your post is so positive and full of hope for the future, it's encouraging.

    Catching baby octopus sounds fun, and if you ever need two little girls to test out one of your children's books...

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  11. It all sounds great! Best of luck with your new enterprise!

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  12. nicki, just reading your blog these past few months, i can tell you are a motivated and meticulous person. you know which way you want your life to go and you make it happen! good luck, everybody should take great risks now and then.

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  13. oops, misspelled niki, as you can see, i am not very meticulous!

    p.s. are we still on for may 26? any changes to the wedding makeup plan?

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  14. Ahhh...I'm wishing you strength to stick with your resolve!

    Maybe (one) your new businesses can be "Positano Paths" - I love the idea of the path guide...I'd definitely be a customer :)

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  15. Reading this post made ME very proud of you, so I've no doubt in my mind that it will make your mother proud as well, while she watches you. :-)

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