Thursday, October 18

dreaming

When I go to sleep in England I dream of Italy and when sleep Italy I dream of England. It's been that way for years.

 When I am back visiting in the UK, I have the most fantastical dreams of Positano and the Amalfi Coast. It transforms and becomes more intense than in real life. I've dreamt that the coastline, which in real life is made up of rocky bays and sheer cliffs interspersed with smallish pebbly beaches, becomes one long neverending white sandy beach, dotted with palm trees, where you can stroll all the way to Amalfi and further.

 I've dreamt of various islands that don't really exist, dotted along the coastline, some appear mysteriously through heavy fog and others glow with lush plants contrasted against the brilliant blue sea. I also dream of volcanoes and tidal waves engulfing the town but am reassured by friends that everybody has those dreams here and it is nothing to worry about!

When I am in Positano I have sentimental dreams about England, generally centered around the family home. Parties in the garden, swimming pools where there aren't any, friends throwing stones at the bedroom window.. Often I find myself outside the kitchen, in the driveway at dusk, but I always feel safe with the protective trees around me and the sweet foxes peeking out the buses nearby...Ok, one time I didnt feel safe as there was a tiger hiding behind a tree, but I got back iside pretty quick and shut the door. (I know, bear with me).

 Lately my dreams have changed. I find myself walking around the house, ready to leave it forever, wondering what to take, what to pack and wondering how could we possibly ever leave this house? The other night I dreamt that I was sitting in the kitchen with my parents. We were waiting for the removal men to arrive and take everything away, but nothing had been packed and nothing was ready to go. In another dream I remember trying to get back into the house as we had already left it, but I remembered that I had hidden something in my bedroom that I just had to get back.

 Yes, it's true, this summer we actually sold the family home. It was time to downsize as Dad was rtattling around a bit on his own there. Next time I go back it will be to a different house in a different town. I've seen photos and had a tour courtesy of Skype and and Dads ipad, but I haven't been there yet.
I have mixed feelings. I am sad that the house of my childhood has now been lost to me with all the memories it contains. I thought it would be ours forever, but at least I still visit it in my dreams. On the other hand I am incredibly excited about this new beginning and the opportunities it has brought to me.

Next week I'm going over for a while to give Dad a hand. He's buried in boxes and can't seem to find anything. I noticed that he's put the furniture in all the wrong places and he's threatening to wallpaper certain areas so I have to get there in time to stop him from turning into a disaster. I've given him strict instructions to wait until I'm there before he does any decorating.

 I have also arranged for my personal hairdresser to fly in from Sweden as I haven't had my hair done since last spring.So we're going to have loads of fun...and great hair too!

6 comments:

  1. How wonderful to have had a home all your life ... and I think it is going to be fun having a new place to fisit now that your dad has moved.

    I was brought up in the RAF .. my dad, my ex-husband and then my hubby... we have lived in 3 civvy houses since he came out of the airforce and i still don't feel like my roots are settled, I wonder if I ever will.

    FABULOUS that Annika is going with you , .. you are going to have such a super time. ... Yes make sure your dad does wait until you arrive , could be a decorating disaster ..:_0

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  2. Beautiful and emotion fulled post. Please don't talk your Dad into getting rid of too many of his treasures. I speak from experience as my family think a lot of my treasures are junk. Who knows they probably are junk if they have no use for them in the future.

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  3. Anne, I think it's a good thing to be unattached..it means you are always ready to move on and try new things!
    Gil, I wouldn't dare! But I was very strict about getting rid of the stash of MY old school bags I found in the garage and any out of date medicines and foods that he had squirreled away!

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  4. I believe in the wisdom of dreams. Perhaps your dream about the house, with your parents there, was not really your current home, but representative of your Dad's home (your childhood home). Are there things left unsaid? on your end or maybe your Dad's? Don't worry too much, it's just probably a message to be there for him. Remember, it was not just your childhood home, but the house that he raised you in: saw you as a little girl and more.
    You're on the right track in being willing to help him out.
    We 'collect' so much from the places we've lived in: memories, habits, treasures. Your dream probably meant that you understand what he's going through, especially as he seems a little confused and hesitant to unpack and sort through. It's great that you'll be there for him.
    Enjoy the new hairdo and time with your friend. New beginnings are worth their weight in gold, as long as we are open to them.
    Luna

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  5. It's a terrible moment when the house you grew up in is sold ... I have two of them right by my house, seeing it from the outside and not being able to go in ... sadness.
    But the excitement of a new home is always nice and sharing it with a good friend is even better!

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  6. I remember when our family home in Canada was sold and I was alone in Texas. It was an empty feeling. I still drive by that home, even twenty years later. It was my home but ow it belongs to someone else but my dreams and memories linger there. Enjoy your father's new space, make it a part of you also. That is important and above all create new memories.

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